My saying “You can stay” a coupla nights ago to my trigger apparently brought up more trigger—enough life content to keep me good & triggered af—as I type today.
This is shitty & scary news…& great news. An emotional trigger arising means only one thing, if you will be hugely daring & remain conscious with it as it arises: a leap wants to come for you. & to ensure you have the capacity, the musculature, for that leap to happen, old energy you no longer need is coming up—up & OUT of you, that is, if you’ll remain nonreactive—if you’ll non-do—in the face of it. The trigger wants to heal.
It’s scary to be with a trigger.
So, I’m scared right now. Lots of shaking & crying & an inability to focus. All excellent signs that stuff is coming up.
(As stuff comes up, things just happen. You’ll find yourself doing things. Case in point, this post.)
I want to support this trigger, & so I am over & over making a point to soften with good will toward all the trigger’s signs so they will know they are safe to continue coming. Softness is the only way. Ultimate power lies in softness. Another word for softness is consciousness. The Universe is soft. And daring. Very, very daring. Another word for softness is daring.
Here is what I have said to the trigger today.
“You can stay.
Please stay.
Stay as long as you want. No time limit. (See how daring I am???? Boy oh boy am I daring.)
For I see you for what you are: you are my repressed power. My repressed innocence. Ultimate power.
& I know you must come up. I know you must come up through painful, hard, scary things I normally react against. I know you must come as a trigger. I am so grateful to know this.
I will do my best & drop all possible doing, & approve you deeply, & nurture you & take care of you & encourage you in your seeming interference & non-productiveness.
I approve of you. I love you. With no agenda for you.
& so, trigger, let us remain here, seemingly fallow. I will do my best to be a good host, a good parent, a good mama, to you, dear trigger, dear (inner) child of mine.
No clue what is next. But I know you know, my darling. & that is enough. That is everything.”
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